Traveling the highway of marriage is not a journey for those weak in spirit or resolve. Through the years, we experience many flat tires, engine blow-ups and “we are lost” detours. Working through problems solidifies our marriages. But requires work. Hard work. Laboring through a marital hard becomes more doable with the right tools, employing the implements of patience, gentleness, and openness with a steady power supply of prayer and scriptural guidance. Another important tool is called a “letgo”.

At one point in our marriage, we began experiencing some serious mechanical difficulties, leaving me feeling neglected and taken for granted, and I began hearing a loud noise in our engine, indicating a major problem. The knocking was magnified by my man’s lack of acknowledgement that a problem even existed. Yet, from my perspective, we weren’t just limping down the roadside, we were rolling backwards. When the situation went unchanged, this mama was not happy. Now the mud of resentment spattering on the windshield joined the knocking, and frustration poured gunk into our engine. The tension created began to wear holes in our relationship like rust on metal.

I prayed God would transform my husband.

Nothing happened.

I prayed God would transform our marriage.

Nothing changed.

One evening, our young son brought a broken toy to his dad to repair. When dad tried to examine the toy to evaluate the problem, our son held on tight, trying to explain what needed fixed. My husband leaned down to his eye level and with gentleness said, “If you want me to fix this, you have to let go.”

Like a cracking, lightening bolt, God spoke loud and clear to my heart. “Did you hear? Daughter, if you want me to fix this, you have to let go.”

When taking the problem to God, I still gripped the brokenness, pointing out the details to Him, making sure He understood my perspective. And in case He needed help, I chose to keep my hands in the mix and try a few repairs myself. I whipped out the grease of guilt, which just made things slippery and ugly. I tried throwing a little cold shoulder that antifreeze couldn’t touch. I acquired a snippy little attitude over every little squeak in our marriage.  

God knew ’twas my heart needing transformation. “Let go daughter. Release your concerns into My trustworthy, capable hands. Stop finagling solutions. Trust Me. Rest in Me. Go on loving, while waiting to see what I will do.”

Nothing changed the next day. Or month. Except in me. By releasing my grip, laying the problem completely into my Father’s hands and walking away, I found peace. The anger began to dissipate, replaced by patience and contentment. The tension released. Discussions, with no condemnation or guilt applied, started to bring understanding to us both.

And in His time, God brought a deeper transformation in our marriage that was “immeasurably more than all we asked or imagined.” (Ephesians 3:20) Note that this scripture does not say, “In our requested timeframe”. Some answers to prayer come over decades and even a lifetime. That is hard, my friends. But in the wait, God is working. Growing in us trust, faith, patience, prayer and understanding of who He is.

What hard thing in your marriage do you need to implement the letgo? Do you need to recognize the destructive tools of manipulation, attitude, or guilting and toss them in the trash? Is it time to release your trouble into the hands of the Master Mechanic? He is trustworthy. He is able.

Letting go does not release your spouse from being accountable for actions or behaviors that harm your marriage. But it does release you from the role of fixer, putting that work back into the hands of your Father who sees all, knows all, and has the power to transform all.

It’s worth the work. Over the years, as we climb the heights, discoveries of bountiful treasures from a life-long commitment of traveling together are unearthed. And spiritual truths of the covenant love between Christ and the Church, reflected in our marriages, are unveiled and more deeply understood.